Being vs Doing mind: What end of the spectrum are you on?

About 8 years ago, when I was learning the skills and teachings of Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), I came across the concept of "being" mind vs "doing" mind. Jon Kabat-Zinn, first came up with these terms and then Marsha Linehan, the creator of DBT incorporated them into her treatment of DBT and taught them to practitioners and clients alike.

"Doing" mind is goal-oriented and discriminating while "being" mind is curious and present-oriented. At any point, we can be at either end of the spectrum or somewhere in the middle. Think of it like a see-saw, and the goal is to see how balanced you can get. A balanced see-saw means you are in "wise mind"; Fully immersed in an activity but still focused on your goals and still able to be mindful in the moment.

For many, this state of mind is hard to attain when we are bombarded with so many other pieces of input (phone calls, texts, emails, social media, radio, t. v.). Activities in the world today make it so easy for us to fall into either end of the being vs doing mind arena and make it seem impossible to attain any peace or balance.

When I'm in "being" mind and I've been there waaaaaay too long- I find myself watching re-runs of NCIS, Big Bang Theory, or other mind-numbing crime shows until I have to go to bed at 10 pm- losing track of time and "numbing out" while also checking social media on my phone. When I noticed this a few years back, I started getting up in between shows, doing chores, making a phone call to someone and chatting, anything to keep myself from getting into the semi-dissociative state and still have some goal-focused activities. Sometimes we need mind-numbing re-runs but when it becomes a pattern that isn't in line with your life's values, it's often time to change things up. I value engagement with others, a clean house, and a homecooked meal. When I was in the habit of numbing out in being mind on T. V. for the entire night, I wasn't living in line with any of those values.

On the other side of the spectrum, we have "doing" mind. When in this state of mind in excess- perfectionism and over-functioning often falls within this state of mind. We often feel the need to constantly be productive in some way. I say "we" as I am a recovering perfectionist. My over-"doing" state of mind would often quickly fling me into the mind-numbing "being" mind once I was exhausted, tired, and burnt-out (Can anyone say Grad school??). This yo-yo effect can be very common for those experiencing burnout as well as trauma survivors. We have difficulty finding the "middle path" and are often jumping back and forth from over-engaging to under-engaging.

Finding the balance is key.

Here are some ideas for ways to balance the "being" and "doing" minds:

1. Set an alarm to go off once or twice throughout the day. This is your reminder to be present in your current activity, no matter what it is. Bring yourself into the moment, notice your breath, and begin observing.

2. During work breaks or at the end of a long day, notice what tasks need to be completed and make a brief plan of how to get those things done (with hopefully still having time to relax).

3. And for my favorite (and possible most effective) mindfulness practice, pick one activity that you do daily (washing dishes, brushing your teeth, packing kids lunches) and use that time as your 1-3 minute mindfulness moment. Notice what you do with your hands, what your breath feels like, thoughts running through your mind, an emotion creeping up? That's all. Just notice. No judgment. No action.

The more we practice mindfulness, the easier it will be to slip into "wise mind", moving with intention, focused on goals while still being able to experience the moment at its fullest.

I leave you with one of my favorite quotes from Mary Oliver, “To pay attention / this is our endless and proper work.”

Thanks for listening friends,

Jenny